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ever again
got caught up in life, carried away by time
slowly drinking from my cup not quite sure where i’ll end up
only know for sure that
the awful the beautiful the cross-eyed the damned the eager the fun the gorgeous the horrible the irksome the jerk the king the lame the meek the noisy the ogre the poor the quirky the rich the slim the tall the unique the vulnerable the weirdo the x-rated the young the zealous they all has one. if i don’t then whose to blame?
you’ve got a problem with acne he ask
you mean i have acne problem?
hell yeah i do especially when i rise and shine with the moon.
got a problem with lips too… and teeth, tongue, pores.
also eyes, head, heart, nails, ankle, oh and you! maybe with you too.
just like the rest of the world or half the species of the earth.
always got a problem with something. or all things. or imaginathings.
blame in on luna. or maybe try to fit on her shoes.
fly to your metaphorical moon and look at your self.
maybe your trouble would seem so far away just like lennon said.
i say everything looks smoother from the bumpy surface of the moon.
but i don’t want to sit on your lap just yet luna… i need to see your face.
i’m waiting for your blue face. for i believe
something crazy is bound to happen once in a blue moon
|11.05.16/from acne to the moon pic from: www.photoastronomique.net/geant/0505-0604_12full_moon.jpg
in this advanced world we live in
why do we always lack of something
when we have the world in the palm of our hand
why are we still searching
when everything has almost been exploited to our benefit
why still we don’t have enough
not enough money
not enough fun
not enough rest
not enough happiness
not enough time
somewhat-trivial and not-so-trivial high and low of two thousand and ten; not in chronological order
1. was the most uneventful year ever*
2. visited bali twice (thanks neng iren for joining me “bengong bareng di Bali”)
3. grew my hair (as usual, too lazy and and stingy to go to hairdresser), and sent my bang to retirement
4. visited dentist like…four times
5. visited new places: viet nam and mainland China! yey! what a trip! oh yeah went to Hong kong and Macau too at christmas, with family that time. am (still) such a lucky girl
6. became more and more unhappy and anxious. (the last time i remember being really happy was on february, when my sister visited) huum huumm
7. saw my sister twice. (and met her boyfriend once. at the airport)
8. went to Placebo concert (saw brian molko with my own eyes! cool!!)
9. came to hate my job. quit my job. got no job :D :D :D
10. didn’t pay my credit card (naughty naughty me)
11. the collection of my nail polish still didn’t grow beyond red and black
12. had bought almost all Haruki Murakami’s book
13. promised to stop buying book (how could i, when i’m an officer of Jakarta Book Club?)
14. had given up planning my future but couldn’t help keep worrying about future all the same
15. gave up my room at martimbang and moved to mel’s place (melani’s, not melrose Place ya)
16. 4 friends got married, 2 had babies and…fortunately, all the people i know grew older (iaialaaa……..)
as for me, as i grow older i feel i become more and more immature and selfish. “i should be better but i’m worse” (bird and the bee)
*actually so many events had happened during 2010, it’s just that…. the year seemed had flown by so fast without me really living it.
sudah lama tidak cuap-cuap
karena hasrat menulis telah menguap
sekarang malah jadi banyak cakap
dan hobi menahan kuap
Is it not true: A move of the head, a step to the left or right, and we change from wise, decent loyal people to conceited fools?
Light changes, our eyes blink and see the world from the slightest difference of perspective
and our place in it has changes infinitely:
| Tinkers - Paul Harding
It is. though i don’t really like the book, but it is true.
somehow
i’ve always managed to get what i want
without really knowing what it was that i want
now
when i finally know what i want
somehow i can’t get it.
isn’t it frustrating
i, whom always been considered one with patience
am now can’t even sit her mind still for a second
frustrating
It’s just a tiny shred of happiness.
not the joy of life. far from it.
and i can’t call that sliver of happiness my own.
in a way it doesn’t even exist.
but still.
the existence of one chunk of ecstasy
in the middle of a dull life
is worth grasping don’t you think?
and now why should i have a hard time
letting go of that thing
that doesn’t even belong to me
last night i played question & answer with The Book of Answer at Aksara Bookstore
and yes…
to my first question it gave a quite in-context answer, which was:
Seek for more options
and then i asked another question,
which answer to me must be the wiser the book has ever given:
Ask the Father.
ok i should’ve stopped there.
but no…
i pushed it further. i asked the same question in other way.
should i step further?
the answer was:
It would be inadvisable.
then like any stupid one would do, i asked for confirmation.
in other word, i put the same question into another sentence and shot it
should i do nothing and wait?
the page i opened said:
move on.
don’t ask if you’re not ready to hear the answer.
moreover do not consult someone/something you don’t even believe in.
ever.
